Tooth Decay Pt 1

I felt it when I woke up
but I wanted to check to be sure
Run in to the bathroom
and simply close and lock the door

Needed a moment for I
could not grasp what I did see
Stared in to the mirror
But who I saw wasn't me

Looking in to the eyes
of a monster with a puffy face
couldn't believe it myself
until I felt the shooting pain

Sharp like knives slowly
cutting me to the bone
swollen lips and soft ball cheeks
time itself was ticking by too long

Teeth are a throbbing
Brain a thumping cage
all the things I'm feeling
slowly sets me in a rage

sweating with anticipation
Chills running up and down my spine
fretting with exhaustion
body is a aching its own rhythm and rhyme

Lungs are feeling heavy
slowly caving in on me
Walls are steadily closing in
and I can hardly breathe

Struggling through my cigarette
Peeling the skin off my lips
chapped and bleeding sores
loosing feeling in my finger tips

I feeling just a tad bit weak
and I am so very sore
Not sure if I can take
this excruciating pain much more

I'm loosing my grip
fear and panic stricken
Stomach tied all up in knots
Whole body is nervously shaken

Heat is a crashing tidal wave
spiked a fever of 105
The ER seems to be Vacant
which leaves me to be next in line

Rush me to a room
call the doctor call the nurse
I don't want to leave here
in the back of a hearse

Fearful for I know
what is coming up next
the Iv needle's pumping
my veins full of liquid meds

Fires of the Fever
slowly burning out okay
the Nurse walks in just to say
"know that you could have died today"

Feeling the medications
seeping its way all through me
suddenly I'm relaxed enough
to close my eyes and fall asleep

I'm told to call a surgeon
have him remove the tooth decay
and do it now and hurry up
you don't want to delay

Doc comes in and says
"I know you are in a lot of grief,
but loosing a tooth
will be your only way of relief"

and too my own surprise
I shockingly seem to agree
I know what needs to be done
to rid this pain from inside of me

I know what to do now
the damage has been done
Just one week till the surgery
then the infection will be gone

Although I'm suffering
all alone on the inside
Husband brings me comfort
and dries the tears that I have cried

Hand me the prescription
signing discharge papers with my name
all that's left to do now
is sit and play the waiting game

Set up with an appointment
there is nothing left to debate
The only thing that's left to do
is take my meds, and impatiently wait.

Just Me

I may sing the loudest
when the radio is on 
I may dance obnoxiously
to the beat of each song
I may laugh the hardest
if I've never heard the joke
I may even live it up
when I know Im broke
As if I've memorized the script
I may act out the scene 
I dont even care if I trip
and should I ever fall
I know that I will be
Laughing through it all
and I may be insulted
But I'll just wear a smile
Empty words dont phase me
I am not a child
I make my own rules
and I play no games
I can fill my own shoes
stand tall and proud
I have a Name
and its Stephanie
I know who I am
I Love being me
Life is meant to be enjoyed
Never just endured
I cant play pretend just for you
All I want to be 
is Just Me. 

2 Good 2 Lose

I know what its like
to feel forgotten
Left behind and the third wheel
But I can wear a smile
act like its no big deal

I can take a hit
every now and then
be the punch line to a joke
But I can laugh it off
wont let myself get broken

I've been pushed around
a time or two
worn bruises on my face
But I can dust myself off
I've got my makeup and shades

And I may have
broken a bone or two
Accidents happen
and I will make it through
I Must be strong
to keep moving on
Life feels too good to lose

I know what it feels like
To be Loved
In many ways more than one
I would never give it up
Its my heart they have won

I've seen a valley
called "Rumors"
planted with seeds of lies
But I've also seen the truth
spread its wings and fly

I've been kicked
when I was down
Labeled with many names
Casted out all alone
heart stricken with pain

And I may have
learned a lesson or two
Growing up is  
Something we all must do
we make mistakes
but its the risk you take
and you will make it through
Life's too good to lose

I'm not saying
that I'm perfect in any way
I don't carry bragging rights
But I'm just happy being me
don't lose any sleep at night

I have surrounded myself
by those I Love and adore
Friends and Family
Cant wait to see whats in store
We cant erase our pasts
Life goes by way too fast
and there is nothing I want more
Life's too good to lose

Ode To Kimbear

Its funny how when I think of you
the sun begins to shine
so bright as to give me
some sort of sign
then I recall the days of my youth
and how you were always there
Oh the Adventures we would go on!
Vacations on the Beach
along the coast
traveling up where
the north wind blows
making all my childish
dreams come true
seeing things I never knew
How I Loved to travel
With you.
You were in my corner
always there
Finding all the ways
to show you care
a hug, a wave, or a smile
But seeing your face in the crowd
gave me the courage and strength
trying hard not to make mistakes
Only wanting to make you Proud
I never wanted to let you down
and should I ever shed a tear
you made all my fears disappear
A bond that could never be broken
no matter the time or distance
spaces in between
If I had a wish
Like a fairy godmother
you would make it come true
Every event
you would be there
Every School Function
Every play or performance
you were the one
who gave me inner strength
my inner voice
my saving grace
to Do my Best
And should I Fail
Fall flat on my face
Eyes flowing tears of shame
You would always back me up
and inspire me to wake up
when I needed a Hug
you would wrap your arms around me
and hold me tight
and say that everything
would be alright
you would dry my tears
and be the kickstand
for my struggling heart
and when I was Wrong
You were the only one
who understood my reasons why
and told me to
"Straighten up and fly right"
a boost of confidence
and Confidence is Key
We never knew where
my life would lead
or the battles we would fight
if anything I was doing
was it ever right
No matter what path I would choose
You were there for support
If I ever needed to run
I would run to you
You only wanted to see
me happy and succeed
Now that I am older
my eyes are open wide
no longer in need to hide
I never understood,
As children hardly do
All the pieces of the puzzle
that make you whole
I'm taking this moment to say
that you are a Major part
of my Yesterdays and Today's
I don't think you realize
how grateful I am for you
I know I have said it
briefly once before
but if I could just once more
Tell you how much
I Love You
and miss the things we used to do
When others turn away
You are the one in the shadows
holding the candle
Flagging my Plane down
on the runway of life
I can always depend on you
But I want you to know
you can Depend on me too
I also want to say
that I am proud of you too
I admire Your strength
for you are strong
where I would be weak
You have overcame obstacles
and achieved the greatest feats
You climbed your own mountain
never letting anyone
bring you down
you keep moving forward
and you are doing your best
even when the struggles
put you to the test
From the bottom
to reaching the top
Never giving up
your heart is bigger than the sun
you share it with the world
asking nothing in return
Making the most out of life
making it all your own
You inspire me to do great things
You always taught me
that if you want something
and do something great
don't ever let anything weigh you down
My admiration for you
and everything you do
never wears down
I believe in you
and the person that you are
never change a thing
to me you are a star
shining bright in the sky
way up high
Thank you for being there
and for everything you do
and know that each and every day
I always think of you
I wonder what your up to
how you are doing
If you need a hug
a laugh, or someone there
You can call upon me
should you ever need
a shoulder to lean on
or just to hang out
No matter what life throws at you
Don't change who you are
Because to me you are Great
the world needs more people
like you
When your load leaves you weary
and you are searching for a friend
just call upon me
on whom you can depend
The memories we have
I will never forget
And I Love You
till the very end!

Blank Paper

Ugh!
Blank paper once again
Mind, an empty box upstairs
sheets of white canvas
a four corner bus stop
to my motivational creativity
why does it always happen
the moment I reach the urge
to spill emotion on the floor
yet I find my words only to be
soulless little nothings
screaming without a voice
Like the flow
time itself seems to halt
       ~Speechless~
on a never ending treasure hunt
to pick the ripest word
of color to paint vocal vibrations
My, this waiting room is crowded
of which no one seems to want to leave
Quick wit and vocabulary
have seemed to abandoned me
I would Love to paint you a portrait
a sea side landscape perhaps?
But my tongue is stiffened
Lost in its search
so for now all I bare to have
is Blank Paper.

Forward

You can dish it out
but hang it up
wipe your feet
and relax when you are done
Don't let it swell your thoughts
and cloud above you
dripping wet in your eyes
don't let it loose your focus
just hang it up to dry
walk away and say good bye
open the door
and embrace the sun
walk with your shades on
and let your skin take flight
in the suns rays
dust your knees
kick the dirt off your feet
wear the smile
wipe away the frown
and keep on walkin'
you're ok

Mountain Top

I climbed a mountain
and I saw the world
as I stood there
up so high
I could nearly touch the sky
I looked down
at the world below my feet
the trees were dancing
in the breeze
Adrenaline rushed through my veins
as the beauty of the vast scenic view
grasped my heart
and took my breath away
tingling my eyes
as to shed a small tear
glued to the Tip of the mountain top
the soles of my feet lay heavy like cement
hypnotized by the Awe of the setting sun
sinking in to the sea of the peaks
the winding road outlining the edges
a river of grey threading through
How I longed to bare feathered wing
to take a leap of faith
and fly off this tree covered rock
I climbed a Mountain
and I saw the world
experienced nature's true beauty and grace
as if I were staring in to God's face
nearly touching heaven with my fingertips
a moment of pure peace and serenity
Recalling each challenging step to reach the top

Lustful Beast

The Animal within me
is breaching security
clawing from the inside out
forcing me to scream and shout
How do I stop this
how do I control myself
Don't try to read me
you could never figure me out
No not this time
the pieces don't fit
but somehow this is it
Fallen through
Now in to you
too involved in the matter
couldn't escape if I wanted to
no reason for a way out
Tearing at my core
Yet I only want more
Fighting Myself again and again
only to find out in the end
The Animal always wins.

Flooded

Swimmingly
swim swim
I'm diving in
pulling negativity
and confusion
off my shelf
in my library
burning these books
leaving the ashes behind
left to blow away
deep in to the wind
I've read this chapter
many times before
and Now I'm bored
finished this tale
over and over
as your words scream louder
only to be a def tone in my ear
repeat and repeat
but I'm done now
searching for new ground
turning the page
the pen's in my hand
time to begin
this new chapter
I'm diving in
Ready to swim.

Mumble Jumble

Click Click
my Keyboard
spits spits
these letters
as I
type type
typing away
mumble jumble
who knows what what
what these letters
will form in
to too two
more minutes
then I'm done
done done
causing commotions
with the things
I say say
I Love yous
and stay stay
stay away from me
Negativity
don't hate hate
hate my words
its only truth
that confuses you
you you
silly thing you.

Random Lines #2

I will be your umbrella,
always there to catch your tears
I will be your giant,
to chase away your fears
I will be your warmth,
for whenever you are cold
I will be the Childish Heart,
whenever you feel old
I will be your pillow,
when you need to rest your head
I will never walk away,
I am your friend until the end.

Random Lines #1

My family calls me a dreamer
so dream is what I'll do
and while I lay there sleeping
I will only dream of you.

Lesson Learned

You bare no weight to the soles on my feet
I'm walking forward and skipping along
to the sound of my own beat
Your silent ghosts do not haunt
my already haunted head
you can not break whats already broken
you can not steal whats already taken
you can not kill whats already dead
your storm can not stop me
from dancing in the rain
I smile while you wear the frown
you're the king
but I wear the crown
You try to push
but I've already been shoved
You fume with anger
I play with laughter
You cant move the mountain
that refuses to budge
You can not tarnish pure gold
you can not lie when the truth's been told
you told me once
you told me twice
this time I took your advice
so I'm walking along
ignoring your stop signs
I got my green light lit
Veering off the pavement
making my own tracks in the mud
enjoying each step
as further away I walk
your voice becomes faint with the wind
walking turns to skipping
skipping turns to running
running turns to dancing
laughing all the while
in your tower of solitude
tears of loneliness flow
from your ever flooded head
and you wonder why
I get further away
no turning back
up ahead the sun is shining
flowers all in bloom
Storms all above you
you told me once
you told me twice
this time I took your advice
and you wonder why
I never said Goodbye
I'm Playing in the sunshine
you can enjoy your rain

A Farewell To The Dust In My Wind

I am washing the blood of my hands,
burying the hatchet,
cutting old Ties,
Repairing old broken bridges,
and casting fire to those who could not be fixed,
releasing the skeletons in my closet,
Forgetting the bad
holding on to the good, 
while looking forward, 
head held high,
confidence within each step,
take One last glance behind 
and kiss it all Goodbye
 I'm letting go of the rope, 
and diving head first
in to the vast unknown called
"My Future"