End Fresh

For this very blog
I'm beginning to end
and turn to restart
a fresh way to end
with a poetic heart
This leaf must change color
the bird learns to fly
read the new chapter
a new shade of light
my story's not finished
but the page must turn
There's much more to write
this elevator's full
I'm taking the stairs
Looking out new windows
The view I must share
but no not here,
a new vision brew
stirred up inside me
and now I must spew
So I'm ending this fresh
with my poetic heart
There is a New Page
My hands need to start.

Remember

I remember when I had to
stretch on my tippy toes
and reach as high as I could
just to see
a glimpse of me
standing in the mirror

I remember when I used to
climb the counter tops
risking life and limb
how I dared
without a care
just to get a drink of milk

I remember when I would
pick the shortest swing
and go as high as I could
Close my eyes
pretend to fly
and nearly scare myself

I remember when I used to
Ride my mountain bike
where ever I wanted
riding so fast
it was a blast
Just to carve my own path

I remember when I once
Sat on Santa's Lap
to whisper what I desired
With his heart filled with joy
he gave me a toy
just to see me smile

I remember many trips
and all my old adventures
Favorable family outings
Very Long Drive
to feel so alive
out in the thick woods

I remember many
Friends and Relatives
That I adore
Some live near
while some live far
All remain etched in my heart

And though I will
Live this life
"Ready Or Not"
None of my memories
will ever be forgot

No matter the milestone
that I overcome
the good with the bad
the happy and the sad
and what miles lie in between

A memory resides
after an experience is lived
and Time cant be rendered
I want to look back
and say "I remember"

Scarlet's Way

Mommy mommy look at me

I can do it all by myself
I made my bed nice and neat
put my books up on the shelf
I colored a picture just for you
I can name all the animals
living at the zoo
I can count up to 133
Hear me sing my ABC's
I tie my shoelace in a knot
oh there is something I nearly forgot
Look I can dress myself
I don't need any help
I got my shirt, socks and pants
No, mommy, they aren't filled with ants
Mommy mommy wanna play?
We can do tea parties all day
Little Brother, he can play too
Although he doesn't know what to do
Mommy Mommy lets play pretend
you can be my very best friend
Let's put make up on our eyes and lips
Put Nail Polish on our fingertips
Look at me Mommy
I am ready for bed
Time to rest my sleepy head
I put on my P.J's and brushed my own teeth
Almost ready to fall asleep
One more thing I want to do,
Tonight, I will read a book to You!
Can you hear me mommy,
How Good I can read?
Awe, Don't you cry Mommy I'm not being mean,
I'm growing up, its all that I do,
and Mommy, I want to grow up just like you!
*Yawn* Good Night and I Love you Mom and Dad
Time for this busy girl to go to bed!




*Dedicated to my Dearest Daughter Scarlet. I Love You!*

Darren's Day

Snuggle Bear
Tickle Bug
Gives me Kisses
Gives me hugs
My Wiggle Worm
My Little Man
Tiny Feet
and Tiny hands
Playing outside
Having fun
Rolling around
in the mud
Hide and Seek
Peek a boo
Tag your It
Kissing "Boo Boos"
The Chicken Dance
And Follow Me
Clap your hands
Reading Books
and singing Songs
Learning ABC's
and Count Along
Play With Me
Don't Bump your head
Soon it will be
time for bed
Bubble Bath
Toys and Games
Please Don't call
your sister Names
Teddy Bears
and Sippy Cups
Don't get Dirty
You are all washed up!
Climb up in Bed
Tuck you in tight
One Last Story
Before I turn out the light
Make a wish on a star
In the Night Time Sky
I'll sing you your song
and Hug you tight
I'll give you a kiss
on your nose and cheek
"I Love you mommy"
He whispers to me
"I Love you Too"
Here is your Teddy
Just one more kiss
from Mommy and Daddy
"We Love you Big Guy."
I turn off the light
As we close the door
we whisper "Good Night".




*Dedicated to my Dearest Son Darren. I Love You!*

*December Days*

It's cold in December

as those winter songs sang
The fields of snow
is where I shall play
Dancing in the frost bit land
Standing tall and proud
My family of Snow men
Time for sledding,
skating and such,
Fun in abundance
Not costing that much
only time, effort and little strain
even though dressing in layers
can be quite a pain
enjoying our annual "wintry gift"
excitement begins to fill me
the under eye bags lift
A smile grows from ear to ear
Learning to Love
this cold time of year
With four pairs of boots
mittens and gloves
My heart can enjoy
a New kind of Love
I've never been one
to play in the snow
But then again
Even I too can grow
and learn from each passing year
to hold tightly to the memories
To my Heart so dear.

Frigged Splendor

What is that flickering I see
through the cracks of my heavy eyes
snow pane windows above me
Jack Frost kisses painting the glass
Glossy pale white
glittering rays of sunlight gold
peering through the cloud
as if to say "Hello"
Morning light beauty
strikes my longing curious eye
Rise and Shine
Who masked the dying grass
and bare naked trees
with fluffy wintry cotton fields
feeling the surge of change
I marvel at the beauty
that lay in the outer beyond
my scenic view
jolts my heart full of excitement
longing to embrace the winter's impact
the Lovely Snow.

Midnight Madness

Through the smoke I can see
you sitting there looking
staring at me
the hint in your blue eyes
telling me you are fitting to play
a smile stretching on your face
as you slowly lean in
sending me that lustful vibe
exciting my skin
melting my spine
Too strong to fight it
you cup my face in your warm hands
I allow it, I give in
planting kisses on my lips
slowly pecking one by one
you hold me in your trance
Lost in your eyes gaze
Pillow lipped Romeo
I can not resist
I have reached my limit
Now I will cave
Letting my wants take me
It is You that I crave
Paradise on your Lap
You Gripping my Hips
shivering from your motion
within your leering fingertips
Feeling the heat and tension
our Childlike actions
should never be mentioned
With a wink of an eye
and a kiss on your cheek
I let you in to take a peek
You move in to advance
Just lay me down
so we can dance
seconds feel like hours
hours feel like days
as we share the Love we've made
Lost in time
no Train of thought
Sensual Ecstasy
Has left me to forget
the consciousness of reality
Felt too good to be free
As we lay there
in each others Arms
I feel you deep
inside my heart
One more smile
and one more kiss
then you say
"Time to wake up the kids".


****Dedicated to my dear husband J. Mowatt. I Love you****

*Dive*

If you're going to play in the water

Make a splash so you stand out

and become recognized for something at least

Be Bold and Be Daring

For the Generations are changing

Always craving for a connection

to witness the Action

Embrace all that you fear

Analyze the Dangers at hand

Yet, proceed with caution

Let your Inner strength guide you

and Follow it all the way through

Commit yourself to courage

and once you recognize your own

True Inner Beauty

Only Then can you allow yourself

to shine brightly

Besides, You are the only one

who can turn your Ripple

in to a tidal wave

And it all Starts by

Making A Splash.

 

Tooth Decay Pt 1

I felt it when I woke up
but I wanted to check to be sure
Run in to the bathroom
and simply close and lock the door

Needed a moment for I
could not grasp what I did see
Stared in to the mirror
But who I saw wasn't me

Looking in to the eyes
of a monster with a puffy face
couldn't believe it myself
until I felt the shooting pain

Sharp like knives slowly
cutting me to the bone
swollen lips and soft ball cheeks
time itself was ticking by too long

Teeth are a throbbing
Brain a thumping cage
all the things I'm feeling
slowly sets me in a rage

sweating with anticipation
Chills running up and down my spine
fretting with exhaustion
body is a aching its own rhythm and rhyme

Lungs are feeling heavy
slowly caving in on me
Walls are steadily closing in
and I can hardly breathe

Struggling through my cigarette
Peeling the skin off my lips
chapped and bleeding sores
loosing feeling in my finger tips

I feeling just a tad bit weak
and I am so very sore
Not sure if I can take
this excruciating pain much more

I'm loosing my grip
fear and panic stricken
Stomach tied all up in knots
Whole body is nervously shaken

Heat is a crashing tidal wave
spiked a fever of 105
The ER seems to be Vacant
which leaves me to be next in line

Rush me to a room
call the doctor call the nurse
I don't want to leave here
in the back of a hearse

Fearful for I know
what is coming up next
the Iv needle's pumping
my veins full of liquid meds

Fires of the Fever
slowly burning out okay
the Nurse walks in just to say
"know that you could have died today"

Feeling the medications
seeping its way all through me
suddenly I'm relaxed enough
to close my eyes and fall asleep

I'm told to call a surgeon
have him remove the tooth decay
and do it now and hurry up
you don't want to delay

Doc comes in and says
"I know you are in a lot of grief,
but loosing a tooth
will be your only way of relief"

and too my own surprise
I shockingly seem to agree
I know what needs to be done
to rid this pain from inside of me

I know what to do now
the damage has been done
Just one week till the surgery
then the infection will be gone

Although I'm suffering
all alone on the inside
Husband brings me comfort
and dries the tears that I have cried

Hand me the prescription
signing discharge papers with my name
all that's left to do now
is sit and play the waiting game

Set up with an appointment
there is nothing left to debate
The only thing that's left to do
is take my meds, and impatiently wait.

Just Me

I may sing the loudest
when the radio is on 
I may dance obnoxiously
to the beat of each song
I may laugh the hardest
if I've never heard the joke
I may even live it up
when I know Im broke
As if I've memorized the script
I may act out the scene 
I dont even care if I trip
and should I ever fall
I know that I will be
Laughing through it all
and I may be insulted
But I'll just wear a smile
Empty words dont phase me
I am not a child
I make my own rules
and I play no games
I can fill my own shoes
stand tall and proud
I have a Name
and its Stephanie
I know who I am
I Love being me
Life is meant to be enjoyed
Never just endured
I cant play pretend just for you
All I want to be 
is Just Me. 

2 Good 2 Lose

I know what its like
to feel forgotten
Left behind and the third wheel
But I can wear a smile
act like its no big deal

I can take a hit
every now and then
be the punch line to a joke
But I can laugh it off
wont let myself get broken

I've been pushed around
a time or two
worn bruises on my face
But I can dust myself off
I've got my makeup and shades

And I may have
broken a bone or two
Accidents happen
and I will make it through
I Must be strong
to keep moving on
Life feels too good to lose

I know what it feels like
To be Loved
In many ways more than one
I would never give it up
Its my heart they have won

I've seen a valley
called "Rumors"
planted with seeds of lies
But I've also seen the truth
spread its wings and fly

I've been kicked
when I was down
Labeled with many names
Casted out all alone
heart stricken with pain

And I may have
learned a lesson or two
Growing up is  
Something we all must do
we make mistakes
but its the risk you take
and you will make it through
Life's too good to lose

I'm not saying
that I'm perfect in any way
I don't carry bragging rights
But I'm just happy being me
don't lose any sleep at night

I have surrounded myself
by those I Love and adore
Friends and Family
Cant wait to see whats in store
We cant erase our pasts
Life goes by way too fast
and there is nothing I want more
Life's too good to lose

Ode To Kimbear

Its funny how when I think of you
the sun begins to shine
so bright as to give me
some sort of sign
then I recall the days of my youth
and how you were always there
Oh the Adventures we would go on!
Vacations on the Beach
along the coast
traveling up where
the north wind blows
making all my childish
dreams come true
seeing things I never knew
How I Loved to travel
With you.
You were in my corner
always there
Finding all the ways
to show you care
a hug, a wave, or a smile
But seeing your face in the crowd
gave me the courage and strength
trying hard not to make mistakes
Only wanting to make you Proud
I never wanted to let you down
and should I ever shed a tear
you made all my fears disappear
A bond that could never be broken
no matter the time or distance
spaces in between
If I had a wish
Like a fairy godmother
you would make it come true
Every event
you would be there
Every School Function
Every play or performance
you were the one
who gave me inner strength
my inner voice
my saving grace
to Do my Best
And should I Fail
Fall flat on my face
Eyes flowing tears of shame
You would always back me up
and inspire me to wake up
when I needed a Hug
you would wrap your arms around me
and hold me tight
and say that everything
would be alright
you would dry my tears
and be the kickstand
for my struggling heart
and when I was Wrong
You were the only one
who understood my reasons why
and told me to
"Straighten up and fly right"
a boost of confidence
and Confidence is Key
We never knew where
my life would lead
or the battles we would fight
if anything I was doing
was it ever right
No matter what path I would choose
You were there for support
If I ever needed to run
I would run to you
You only wanted to see
me happy and succeed
Now that I am older
my eyes are open wide
no longer in need to hide
I never understood,
As children hardly do
All the pieces of the puzzle
that make you whole
I'm taking this moment to say
that you are a Major part
of my Yesterdays and Today's
I don't think you realize
how grateful I am for you
I know I have said it
briefly once before
but if I could just once more
Tell you how much
I Love You
and miss the things we used to do
When others turn away
You are the one in the shadows
holding the candle
Flagging my Plane down
on the runway of life
I can always depend on you
But I want you to know
you can Depend on me too
I also want to say
that I am proud of you too
I admire Your strength
for you are strong
where I would be weak
You have overcame obstacles
and achieved the greatest feats
You climbed your own mountain
never letting anyone
bring you down
you keep moving forward
and you are doing your best
even when the struggles
put you to the test
From the bottom
to reaching the top
Never giving up
your heart is bigger than the sun
you share it with the world
asking nothing in return
Making the most out of life
making it all your own
You inspire me to do great things
You always taught me
that if you want something
and do something great
don't ever let anything weigh you down
My admiration for you
and everything you do
never wears down
I believe in you
and the person that you are
never change a thing
to me you are a star
shining bright in the sky
way up high
Thank you for being there
and for everything you do
and know that each and every day
I always think of you
I wonder what your up to
how you are doing
If you need a hug
a laugh, or someone there
You can call upon me
should you ever need
a shoulder to lean on
or just to hang out
No matter what life throws at you
Don't change who you are
Because to me you are Great
the world needs more people
like you
When your load leaves you weary
and you are searching for a friend
just call upon me
on whom you can depend
The memories we have
I will never forget
And I Love You
till the very end!

Blank Paper

Ugh!
Blank paper once again
Mind, an empty box upstairs
sheets of white canvas
a four corner bus stop
to my motivational creativity
why does it always happen
the moment I reach the urge
to spill emotion on the floor
yet I find my words only to be
soulless little nothings
screaming without a voice
Like the flow
time itself seems to halt
       ~Speechless~
on a never ending treasure hunt
to pick the ripest word
of color to paint vocal vibrations
My, this waiting room is crowded
of which no one seems to want to leave
Quick wit and vocabulary
have seemed to abandoned me
I would Love to paint you a portrait
a sea side landscape perhaps?
But my tongue is stiffened
Lost in its search
so for now all I bare to have
is Blank Paper.

Forward

You can dish it out
but hang it up
wipe your feet
and relax when you are done
Don't let it swell your thoughts
and cloud above you
dripping wet in your eyes
don't let it loose your focus
just hang it up to dry
walk away and say good bye
open the door
and embrace the sun
walk with your shades on
and let your skin take flight
in the suns rays
dust your knees
kick the dirt off your feet
wear the smile
wipe away the frown
and keep on walkin'
you're ok

Mountain Top

I climbed a mountain
and I saw the world
as I stood there
up so high
I could nearly touch the sky
I looked down
at the world below my feet
the trees were dancing
in the breeze
Adrenaline rushed through my veins
as the beauty of the vast scenic view
grasped my heart
and took my breath away
tingling my eyes
as to shed a small tear
glued to the Tip of the mountain top
the soles of my feet lay heavy like cement
hypnotized by the Awe of the setting sun
sinking in to the sea of the peaks
the winding road outlining the edges
a river of grey threading through
How I longed to bare feathered wing
to take a leap of faith
and fly off this tree covered rock
I climbed a Mountain
and I saw the world
experienced nature's true beauty and grace
as if I were staring in to God's face
nearly touching heaven with my fingertips
a moment of pure peace and serenity
Recalling each challenging step to reach the top

Lustful Beast

The Animal within me
is breaching security
clawing from the inside out
forcing me to scream and shout
How do I stop this
how do I control myself
Don't try to read me
you could never figure me out
No not this time
the pieces don't fit
but somehow this is it
Fallen through
Now in to you
too involved in the matter
couldn't escape if I wanted to
no reason for a way out
Tearing at my core
Yet I only want more
Fighting Myself again and again
only to find out in the end
The Animal always wins.

Flooded

Swimmingly
swim swim
I'm diving in
pulling negativity
and confusion
off my shelf
in my library
burning these books
leaving the ashes behind
left to blow away
deep in to the wind
I've read this chapter
many times before
and Now I'm bored
finished this tale
over and over
as your words scream louder
only to be a def tone in my ear
repeat and repeat
but I'm done now
searching for new ground
turning the page
the pen's in my hand
time to begin
this new chapter
I'm diving in
Ready to swim.

Mumble Jumble

Click Click
my Keyboard
spits spits
these letters
as I
type type
typing away
mumble jumble
who knows what what
what these letters
will form in
to too two
more minutes
then I'm done
done done
causing commotions
with the things
I say say
I Love yous
and stay stay
stay away from me
Negativity
don't hate hate
hate my words
its only truth
that confuses you
you you
silly thing you.

Random Lines #2

I will be your umbrella,
always there to catch your tears
I will be your giant,
to chase away your fears
I will be your warmth,
for whenever you are cold
I will be the Childish Heart,
whenever you feel old
I will be your pillow,
when you need to rest your head
I will never walk away,
I am your friend until the end.

Random Lines #1

My family calls me a dreamer
so dream is what I'll do
and while I lay there sleeping
I will only dream of you.

Lesson Learned

You bare no weight to the soles on my feet
I'm walking forward and skipping along
to the sound of my own beat
Your silent ghosts do not haunt
my already haunted head
you can not break whats already broken
you can not steal whats already taken
you can not kill whats already dead
your storm can not stop me
from dancing in the rain
I smile while you wear the frown
you're the king
but I wear the crown
You try to push
but I've already been shoved
You fume with anger
I play with laughter
You cant move the mountain
that refuses to budge
You can not tarnish pure gold
you can not lie when the truth's been told
you told me once
you told me twice
this time I took your advice
so I'm walking along
ignoring your stop signs
I got my green light lit
Veering off the pavement
making my own tracks in the mud
enjoying each step
as further away I walk
your voice becomes faint with the wind
walking turns to skipping
skipping turns to running
running turns to dancing
laughing all the while
in your tower of solitude
tears of loneliness flow
from your ever flooded head
and you wonder why
I get further away
no turning back
up ahead the sun is shining
flowers all in bloom
Storms all above you
you told me once
you told me twice
this time I took your advice
and you wonder why
I never said Goodbye
I'm Playing in the sunshine
you can enjoy your rain

A Farewell To The Dust In My Wind

I am washing the blood of my hands,
burying the hatchet,
cutting old Ties,
Repairing old broken bridges,
and casting fire to those who could not be fixed,
releasing the skeletons in my closet,
Forgetting the bad
holding on to the good, 
while looking forward, 
head held high,
confidence within each step,
take One last glance behind 
and kiss it all Goodbye
 I'm letting go of the rope, 
and diving head first
in to the vast unknown called
"My Future"

My little Secret

I have a secret
that I want to share
but I must hide
and I am dying inside
I want to screem
and I want to shout
But I must wait it out
Oh who do I tell
what would they say
if only they knew
how amazing that would be
but my lips are sealed
my tounge is tied
sweating with anticipation
ugh, this agravation
want to tell and shout it lound,
but I cant
oh what to do what to do,
If only people knew
Swelled with excitement
drowining in Hush
got to keep quiet
cant stop the bum rush
oh this little secret of mine
I hate how I have to hide!

Now you are pondering the possabilities!! :)
made you think! :)

November Mornings

Its another November morning
here in my little town
No snow on the ground
Not yet at least
Cold air settling
Grasping on my fingers
as I try to keep hold
of my Burning Cigarette
My ears are fire red
from the piercing temperatures of cold
Goose bumps crawl upon my skin
Shiver and shaking in my boots
The air grabs hold of my body
quaking me to the bone
Clouds hang high
Leaves blowing round my head
Frost tracing the car windows
its getting closer and closer
to the Winter months in December
Its too cold to stay out
Snow will be falling
Time for snow pants and winter boots
But for now, I shal enjoy this
cold November morning.

Gentle

Gentle as a wisper
the fluttering of my eyelashes
my heart beats
yearns for you
burns fire deep in my core
rattles my cage
and sends me drifting
in to dreamland
while you are away
I only have thoughts for you
and our love
our little family
we have sculpted together
pasting each milestone
into place
like you have my love
Oh This Love
is amazing
so pure
so magical
I taste sweet serenity
and simplicity
yet the struggles
of this imperfect world
make this love ever more binding
strong like concrete
each day makes me more virgin
to the unknown future
your fingertips
make my body feel passion
your lips
taste as if heaven were placed there
lying helplessly in your arms
I feel floating
on this cloud
called Love
Gentle as a feather
soft as cotton
I shall touch you
stingingly sweet
I shall kiss you with passion
and desire
I want you,
I want your love,
I want to be a part of you
so full of you
my existance is unknown
if you were to leave
Gentle I shall Love you
More than you have ever been Loved
I do
I DO
I DO!
I Love you,
more and more each and every day
of my life, I love you
with all my hearts content
I am bursting with fumes of Love
just for you and you alone
Genle as a wisper
I shall repeat it again
"I love you"

View from a Flower

Pettals fall
stem all brown
faded scent
is all around
snow is falling
like a feather
cant seem to fight
this cold weather
Still
I am
dead on ground
just cant wait
till warmth is found
Then I'll rise
bright in day
until the sun
fades away
then Dawn comes
once again
slowly waking Mums
HERE I AM
all in bloom
as my fragrance
fills the room
stuck in water
people stare
at my beauty
oh so rare
Now I draw
my last few breaths
I've been plucked
now near death
hope I'll grow
in Heaven's garden
this lonely flower
has no bargain
Now I'll die
but not in soil
I was wasted
left to spoil.